Sintemalen (4)

Susanna desperately wanted to break free, but couldn’t; she was still heavily entangled in that almost unbreakable mesh of religious fundamentalism and enticing church practice. For sure, she was embittered about her former life (which made her aggressive), and yet she was longing for love and acceptance by her former congregation. She, the once highly-respected daughter of Sintemalen.

Then, Susanna met right next door her almost-fiancée, now (unhappily) married to one of her former girl-friends. He wanted to become an Evangelist (calling of God) but finally had to settle with becoming a missionary (also the calling of God). It seemed that they were destined to marry. He, the respected church man, and she, Sintemalen’s daughter. However, it never came to happen (probably also God’s calling, but most likely more due to the ambiguous dealings of men).

It happened right during a Christmas church service that she attended in order to understand where she stood and to satisfy some of her urges. Her former almost-fiancée acted as preacher and when seeing her he started to proclaim repentance and renewal of (her) life and it seemed that he was directly targeting her … when suddenly all of her suppressed emotions exploded and she began to uncontrollably shout at him and cry (which then forced the pastor to start casting that evil spirit out of her) .. until she silenced and faded.

The last chapter matter-of-factly states that Susanna spent three months in therapy. Three long months of agony and pain until she was able to return to her family. 

Susanna still smokes heavily.


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